When Affairs Turn to Love: 8 Signs You’re Falling for Them

turn to love
  • SerialDaters
  • May 14, 2023

Having an affair is a tricky business. Of course, that doesn’t stop millions of people from having affairs every single year. But what happens when that affair stops being just fun and starts feeling like love? There’s a lot to consider here, starting with whether the feeling is mutual, and where to go next. In this article, we’ll cover eight surefire signs that you’re

There are plenty of situations where affairs have turned into ever-lasting love. Of course, the signs are always going to be a bit different for everyone. There are some general guidelines you can keep in mind and certain feelings or situations to look for that may indicate that you are really falling for your lover.

Top 8 signs an affair is turning into love

1. You can’t stop thinking about them.

If someone is constantly on your mind, it’s probably because you are starting to develop feelings for them. Are you feeling butterflies? Do you get happy whenever your affair crosses your mind? What about guilt? If you also start to feel guilty about liking this person, that could be a sign that things are turning to love. [Read: How To Ask A Girl Out On Tinder? 7 Tips to Follow]

2. You want more than just casual dates or hookups.

If you find yourself wanting to spend more time with your partner, or more intimate time, it could be a sign that your affair is heading for love. When the fun of the casual nature starts to wear off and you realize that you’re wanting more, not less, that is often scary. However, if you talk to your affair partner about it, you may be able to work things out without going the L-O-V-E route if that’s not what you want.

3. You find yourself picturing a future with this person.

Once again, falling for someone means you’re going to want to do everything with them. You’ll start thinking about a real relationship, a future, and what your life could be like. This is a big warning sign that you’ve gone well beyond casual and need to have a serious discussion. You also need to check in with yourself and consider how this could impact your spouse - affairs turning into love can be dangerous business. [ Read: 15 Flirting Tips Every Guy Needs To Know]

4. You consider leaving your spouse for this person.

turn to love

Speaking of danger, are you considering giving up your marriage for your affair? Sometimes, people marry someone out of love but for one reason or another, things change over time and the relationship doesn’t hold up like anticipated. That’s when a lot of people turn to affairs because they don’t necessarily want to “give up” on their relationship, but they do want to see what’s out there. Then, you find someone worthwhile and the idea of leaving your spouse doesn’t seem so bad after all. Think this through.

5. You’re comparing your affair to your current relationship.

Comparisons are a surefire sign that you’re fighting a battle of the heart. When you start comparing your affair to your marriage or existing relationship, you’re going to find faults exactly where you want them. If you’re falling for your affair, your spouse might suddenly have all these “issues” that you never noticed before (or perhaps just made a bigger deal because you want to justify your affair). If you’re comparing or bargaining, emotions are involved. [Read: Is AshleyMadison Safe, Legit, and Worth It]

6. You’re spending more time together.

Do you find yourself spending more and more time with your fling buddy? Perhaps you’re considering vacations, weekends away, regular dating, and so forth—if things are heating up and you’re spending a lot of time together, it could mean that love is in the air. It could also just mean that you enjoy each other’s company, but usually, it ends up becoming a matter of the heart for those involved in affairs. Are you finding yourself wanting to spend as much time as possible with this person and maybe even lying about your plans to do so? This is a sign that you need to reconsider your situation, your feelings, and your intentions.

7. You feel like they “get” you.

Having someone that understands you can be a great reward in and of itself. Unfortunately, a lot of relationships are disconnected and the people don’t understand each other or how to engage with each other. When you find someone that gets you, it’s easy to get swept up. Do you feel like this person understands what’s lacking in your relationship and wants to help you get everything that you need from one person? It’s a tall order, but when you feel that kindred spirit, it’s hard not to fall in love. [Read: How to Get Laid on Hookup Apps]

8. You start talking about your partner with your affair.

This is usually a pretty big red flag that an affair is turning to love. Most people keep their relationships separate and don’t discuss a lot about their partners when they’re having an affair. That would take the fun out of it and create a lot of unnecessary stress, in most cases. If you notice that you’ve started opening up and talking about (or worse, complaining about) your partner to whoever you’re having an affair with, thereby bringing them more and more into your “real life” as time goes on. This could be a very clear sign that things are getting serious, or that you’re starting to consider leaving your current relationship, which means your affair is probably well beyond just fun at this point.

Of course, there are likely dozens of different signs that your affair is switching gears and becoming something more serious. After all, why did you start having an affair in the first place? Think about this, as well as how emotionally involved you are willing to get—sometimes, people will leave their spouse to follow the love affair—and you’ll be prepared to decide how to proceed next. After all, once you realize what’s going on, you have to address it because when affairs turn to love, there’s no turning back.

More resources:


Timeline of a Love Affair


Not Sure If You're Falling in Love?