Why Women Pull Away When Dating and How to Prevent It

pull away when dating
  • SerialDaters
  • May 15, 2023

There are many reasons women pull away when dating someone. In this article we will have a look at why a woman might be pulling away and what you can do to fix it (or prevent it from happening in the first place!).

First, let’s have a look at the 7 signs she is pulling away from you, then the causes, and how to prevent it from happening. Warning: this might require some work from your side…

7 Signs a woman is pulling away include:

  • She replies to texts less frequently
  • She isn’t suggesting as many date nights
  • She has started cancelling dates more often
  • She’s not as open about her life/where her mind is at anymore
  • She doesn’t initiate as much physical closeness
  • She seems distracted when you’re speaking—as though she’s not really listening
  • She seems perpetually irritated

Of course, the above might have nothing to do with you. She could be distracted by a friend’s illness, she could be fatigued from working too much, or something else could be going on. The best way to find out if you are the cause, is to ask her, as well as do things that will help prevent a woman from pulling away from you.

There are many reasons women pull away when dating someone. Below we will cover those reasons and, by doing so, give you ideas as to what to do instead. Because what normally happens to a man when a woman pulls away is that either he tries doing what he’s already doing—only harder—or he pulls away, too. But doing more of the same isn’t going to help. Nor is it going to help to pull away.

So let’s have a look at what happens to a man when a woman pulls away and how to prevent it!

You’re Inconsistent

One week you message her every day, the next you wait five days to reply to a message. This is giving her the idea that either you’re flaky, or you don’t really care about her.

If you’re someone who genuinely goes through busy periods when you cannot stand texting all the time, or you like being aloof some weeks, then you need to communicate that. Tell her that you aren’t someone who always texts every day—you get swept away by life and you’re not planning to change that as you enjoy living in the present. However, if she really needs more contact, you will do your best to text a bit more often. And, of course, you’ll reply immediately if it’s something urgent.

Be consistent when texting and let her know what you are like and what you expect from her. Otherwise, there can be misunderstandings.

You Don’t Pay Attention to Details

pull away when dating

She tells you she’s allergic to seafood and on the next date you bring her to a seafood restaurant. While you might be scatterbrained and mean no offense, it’s time to start paying attention. Sure, we all forget some things, but you need to make an effort to remember her likes and dislikes, as well as other details that make her unique.

Once you start thinking about what she’d enjoy, she can see you’re paying attention. If she tells you she’s a neat freak that’s really protective of her space, you won’t leave her kitchen in a mess after dinner. If she mentions her favorite chocolate, you might randomly bring her a slab next time you see her.

Those small things show you genuinely care. In return, she’s likely to work hard to make you happy.

You’re Going Overboard

You reply to every message instantaneously. If she says she likes Chanel, you bring a gift from Chanel to your next date. Her every wish is your command and you’re available 24/7 to chat and take her out on dates.

This will make you look desperate. What’s more, it indicates you have no life.

A woman should gradually win you over, because it takes time for her to prove she’s worth it. If you give her everything before she’s proven her worth, you’re basically saying you’re willing to accept anything. That won’t make you very sexy in her eyes.

Remembering details is great. Replying to texts in a timely manner is great. However, you need to show that you have a life that comes first until she wins a place in it. Your family, long term friends, and career, as well as overall wellbeing should be your priorities, not a woman you just met. Answer her text after you’ve finished a task at work. Fit her into your schedule between meetings with friends, the gym, and courses you’re taking. Show that you will do your utmost to show up for her, but you are a busy person who values your own life.

Having integrity isn’t just about treating her right—it’s about treating yourself right, too.

You’re Checking Out Other Women

Are you the kind of guy who, when on a date with someone, is still checking out the waitress’ backside? If so, chance are your date will notice.

A woman will judge how interested you are based on how much interest you’re paying her. If you are completely engaged in your conversation with her, and lost in the beauty of her face and kindness of her personality, you won’t be checking out the waitress while chatting to her.

However, if you’ve got a longstanding habit of checking out women, the moment the waitress arrives, the spell with your date is broken. Immediately, your eyes will wander down the waitress’ legs.

Train yourself not to let your eyes wander. A woman will accept a certain amount of wandering eyes, but only so much. Or talk about it—maybe your girl likes to let her eyes wander too. You both have to be on the same page.

They’ve Heard a Rumor

You have a rumor of being a player, of dumping women as soon as things get serious, or there’s talk about you being the reason someone else was fired at work. Whatever it may be, if it plants a doubt in your date’s mind, she might pull away.

Be upfront about your past and the rumors surrounding you. “I’ve been a bit of a player, but I believe I’m ready to settle down now. I’m looking for something solid. I don’t want to stop flirting—I like playfulness—but I’d like to flirt with the same woman.”

You’re Going Too Fast with Sex or Focus Too Much on It

You keep telling her how hot she is and how much you want her, but you rarely compliment her personality. And while you’ve had a few deep conversations, you tend to focus on sex whenever possible—particularly when texting. Maybe you believe the deep conversations are reserved for real-life interactions, but if so, you need to tell her.

While your intentions may be pure—you’re looking for a relationship—if you keep focusing on the sex angle, that’s what she’ll see. Women like to bond emotionally as much as they do physically. Deep intimate moments. Long conversations. A conviction that you like her personality as much as you do her body. A show that you’re willing to go the extra mile and be there for her.

You Don’t Show Attraction

On the flip side, if you don’t let her know you find her attractive by checking her out, giving her compliments, telling her she’s doing something great in the bedroom, and sexting her, she might not feel desired.

For a relationship to work, there needs to be both friendship and sexual attraction.

You Don’t Show Affection

You may tell her you like her, but you don’t text her to see how her dentist appoint went. Or check in to see if the talk with her mother was as hard as she thought it would be. You don’t show up with a teddybear at the airport after she’s been out of town and you don’t leave notes in her handbag telling her how much you like her.

Different women need to be shown affection in different ways. Some feel cared for when given gifts (and it could be as small as a takeaway coffee), others feel loved when you perform acts of service—such as cooking them dinner. Yet other women feel you care when you spend quality time together, or show physical affection. And some women simply need to hear how much you care about them.

You can check out Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages”, but also ask the woman you’re dating how she knows someone cares about her and what she appreciate a partner doing for her.

You’ve Been Busy

You cancelling dates, or not having time for them, might mean she feels neglected. If you’ve been MIA lately, this could be the reason she’s withdrawing. Be sure to explain up front if you’re going to be busy and ensure she sees that you still work hard to fit her into your schedule.

You Don’t Resolve Things

You two have an argument and you think it’s fine—you’ve both said your piece, now let’s have sex and make up. However, she might be thinking you need to come to some sort of conclusion. And maybe she also needs to bond emotionally after the fight so as to be able to move on.

If she’s walking around feeling hurt, chances are she’ll withdraw after a while.

When you’re arguing, be sure to check in with her to see that she feels the issue has been resolved. Then hug her and show affection in other ways before you go in for the sex.

You Don’t Ask Her What She Wants

This ties into several of the points above, but if a woman is distant, one way to cure the problem is simply to ask her what she’d like to make your relationship better. Is there anything the two of you could do together that she’d enjoy? Are there things you could do to make her feel more desired?

You Don’t Ask Her What’s Wrong

If a woman is pulling away—ask her about it. Maybe she’s just busy and you’re making up issues where there are none. However, if there are any issues, chances are she’ll share them with you. And if she doesn’t, how can you hope to fix anything?

On the flip side, if she’s withdrawing because she’s met someone else, or is starting to realize that she doesn’t think the two of you are a match, she might not tell you. Maybe she wants some more time to make her mind up.

If you’ve addressed all the above and asked her outright if something is wrong because she seems a bit distant as of late and she’s denied anything being wrong, then it’s time to ask yourself if you want to keep dating her. Give it a couple of weeks and also ask her if there’s something the two of you can do to bond more and have more fun and that doesn’t improve things, then it may be time to move on.